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The Soldier and the Squirrel introduces children to the Purple Heart

through a loving story of a friendship between a newly wounded soldier

and Rocky the squirrel with his backyard friends. This story began as a

blog during my first year in bed after my incident. With much

encouragement, it is now a book and has been placed in the

Ronald Reagan Presidential Library & Museum. Please watch the video

on the About page to learn for the Soldier & Rocky are changing children's

lives.

 

ORDER NOW

 

 

In 2018, Bensko founded Veterans In Pain - V.I.P. Facilitating OrthoBiologic solutions for Veterans suffering from chronic pain, by connecting volunteer physicians with our country's heroes, nationwide. 

V.I.P. is a Platinum Certified GuideStar Nonprofit, and Certified Resource of Wounded Warrior Project.  

501(c)3 EIN# 83-0600023

www.VeteransInPain.org 

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Entries by Fried Nerves and Jam (331)

Wednesday
May122010

The Art of Balance


 Balance....If you Google the word (yes, I know google is technically a verb, but a name as well, ergo the capitalization, so live with it...;0) I digress...If you Google the word balance, you get fitness programs, health bars, scales, gymnastics schools, and most interestingly...disorders.
Yes, disorders. This is about the reparation of my own balance disorder.

According to the experts, with the lack of balance, you may feel as if the room is spinning. You may stagger when you try to walk or teeter or fall when you try to stand up, suffer vertigo, feel as though you are going to fall, feel confused or disoriented. I'm usually pretty balanced, or so I thought, give or take a vino here or there. But what happens when normalcy dissipates and suddenly your life becomes unbalanced due to elements out of your control? In our case it was a leak, two leaks, and toxic mold. A black furry Build-a-Bear type of fuzz that crackles when you think of touching it. It bathed the intestines of our drywall and threw us out on our derrieres and into an apartment with four kids and two dogs. Our entire downstairs had to be rebuilt, the kids were suffering allergic reactions to the furry beast, Emma on a nebulizer and Joe with asthmatic reactions, the house was deemed uninhabitable.


For many a night, snuggled in my favorite polar fleece jammie pants with little white bunnies in pink scarves, lavender oil slammed into the pores of my nasal passages, and the echo of Larry King dancing on the walls of my ear canals, my dreams had begun to take the form of Hitchcock, wavering with three dimensional angst and altered in a halo of distant obscurity. The upstairs neighbors vampires, stalking the corners of their apartment, renovating caskets with which to house their prey...

At first it was an adventure, something new. As my dear friend Lou said when she was diagnosed with the C-word, "Well, I'm looking forward to this actually, it's a NEW experience." So there we were, fleeing our home's C-word, and hovering the corner of a world we found completely foreign, trying to adjust.

In a matter of months, we have had to create an entirely new existence, and make it work for us, all the while the rest of the world stood strong, clients were still calling (Thank God), my husband still had to return to work, the children still had school, lessons, but childcare had completely bifurcated.
To balance work and home-life as a working mother is never, ever done alone. My friends jumped in whenever possible helping with pick-ups and drop-offs. 

Through this experience,  I've realized that as important as it is to have structure and balance within a home, it is just as important to have structure and balance within one's self. I had become so dependent on the physical structure of the home, the logistics of timing of schedules, the essentials of the daily calendar obeyance, that I had completely forgotten the importance of the balance within. I ate like a redneck at a meat-and-three diner. Exercise had become a verb simply used as an expression, and daily schedules had become a pacifier leaving me sucking away dependent upon the metronomic normalcy of life to feed me the oxygen needed for survival.

We moved into a tiny apartment, yet this apartment has taught lessons with a wooden ruler leaving precious splinters in the fingerprint of my soul. These are lessons learned which have breathed into us a new life-perspective.

You see, suddenly, as blessed as we still were of course, we had to now walk the dogs three times or more a day down a stairwell and through a gate to the boulevard roadside where our home's neighbors waited at the light to turn left to our old neighborhood. The occasional honk and wave of their hands, the uncomfortable nod and reserved smile, not wanting to show too much joy as they knew I was indeed now walking my dogs on the boulevard in front of our apartment and unable to return home. I'd wave and flash the largest smile I could muster which best complimented the roll of my eyes. Yet those walks woke something inside me which had previously grown accustomed to the laziness of opening the door to the back yard and dismissing the canines to the out of doors.

This was a sentence to take a new look at life. Those little walks outside, the obligation to my good furry friends, reminded me of the simplicity of smiling at fellow dog-walkers (while holding back my innocuously venemous Chihuaua with the Nepolean complex-mix and restraining my apoplectic Dachshund...) We had no childcare now, and I still had a company to run, weddings to shoot, clients to take care of, a husband who needed me present to help with insurance claims and raise our babies, contracting issues to address, as well as oodles of images to edit and laundry out the gege. I was back at square one, attempting to figure out HOW to "do it all". On top of all THAT, I turned 40.

Cathartic barely touches the surface.

Yet it was during this period of time major life changes were made, so that if life ever rears it's follically challenged head again, this girl is ready.

My entire system's internal ecosystem has been transformed from the inside out. Yes we were stuck in an apartment, but HEY, this building had a GYM! I exercised for the first time since my first child screamed in my ear! So what, one of my knees blew up like a blowfish with a bong, I was actually being healthy! Our increased visits to restaurants during our domestic expulsion made me realize the downstairs of our home wasn't the only thing needing reconstruction. I went on a complete health kick. Living in a small space made me realize that if I had to be stuck with myself in a small cell for the rest of my life, I had better like the way I FEEL. NOT look, but FEEL!!! Anyone who knows me knows there is not a french fry on this continent I have not overturned. No longer would I be labeled the Miracle Whip queen, or the Velveeta Princess (I'm not kidding...these are actual adjectives ingrained on my frontal lobe...).

My friend introduced me to the Flat Belly Diet way of life, and I'm born again. Look it up...your life will change.

So why is a photographer's blog talking about a domestic disturbance of the Home Depot kind? Because I've realized we can all try to do it all. We can all have balance when life is normal. But if I had had this other type of balance, the internal balance of a healthy lifestyle and healthier outlook on being internally balanced, this curveball could have been a much easier transition. It was during this transition that our lives were placed under the microscope and I realized what wasn't working. Even though everything had looked functional, it didn't mean I was present in the most intimate aspects of life.

In our apartment, our children share rooms, the youngest girls have decided that if we ever had to live in an apartment they'd do just fine as it is a glorified hotel in their eyes (only without the room service, maid service, spa service, concierge service...) We had birthdays in the park, walked around town and got to know our community better. The dogs have learned to walk on a leash, my husband has realized he really, really, really likes our house, and yes, our two teens, a boy and girl, have learned that they really do actually despise one another...and I have decided that no matter how busy life can be, I will never return to normal. Normal was redundant, expectant...As cramped as this apartment has been (we move back into our home next week) it is still not a tent in Haiti, or a shelter in Nashville or Oklahoma. We are blessed beyond words to know that our family, as dysfunctional as it can seem at times, is one which has been brought together
not only physically, but in spirit.

As excited as I am to return to our home, to have my workspace back, to put my photos back on the walls, a part of me will miss this little apartment. (A VERY small part of me...) But that part is one I need to keep close to my heart, as it taught me to simplify, that we don't need all of the "things" we thought we did. It has taught me to let house cleaning go a bit more and snuggle my babies more at night rather than do laundry. I've learned my children love art and coloring more than computer games, and I haven't visited Farmville once since we got here.

I love my home, my family, my friends, my clients, my life...and now with new balance the only teetering, vertigo, or nausea I am going to feel is from my arms spinning in relief as we re-enter our home, forgive it for it's indescretion, and remember the teacher with the ruler and the spintered fingerprints...forever.
Wednesday
Apr212010

The Tree of Wife

Sometimes a wedding is about the guests, sometimes it's about the flowers....this time, it was about a tree. A large oak cradled the couple in its belly. Fingered shadows tapping their skin. As the ceremony blossomed from this tree, so did our post-wedding session in a secret, hidden area of Los Angeles I shall only reveal upon death and scripture...ok, it's near the beach...ok, it's a state park, but that's all I'm sayin'...
Enjoy the magic of Jason & Anya. My rock and roll bride and groom, who are currently sipping from coconuts and learning how to say Humnnukunukuapua'a under a different type of tree...
[gallery]
Saturday
Apr172010

Headshot Trauma Remedy for BFA Grads

I do believe I have stumbled upon a remedy for the Theatrical Major Headshot Trauma...
Texas State University recently invited me to photograph the graduating Seniors of their Musical Theater and BFA programs, providing the graduating students with professional headshots with which to begin their acting careers.

In a two-day period we completed twenty sessions. Each session included hair and makeup by celebrity Makeup artist Dean Jason Hampton.

Throughout the process, a series of instructional elements were implemented with information necessary to achieve a successful photo session in the future.

In addition to being photographed, the students also received support in the following areas:
1.    Aesthetic preparation of skin, hair, grooming, Camera-Ready preparation for session arrival

2.    Selection of clothing: solid hues, attire appropriate for professional imagery as well as audition

3.    Lighting, posture, composition, textures of backgrounds

4.    Breathing techniques, posing options

5.    Make up techniques

6.    Hair grooming and styling

7.    Clothing selection and preparation

8.    Understanding and respecting the essentials of personal presentation in the world of audition

9.    Reflecting their self with confidence and appreciating the value of their personal self expression with pure validation of the power each individual holds within

10.  Encouraging self esteem and creating a platform of confidence from which they will be able to securely reference upon entering the entertainment field

Kindly view the Texas State University portfolio at
http://www.benskophotography.com/slideshows/tsu09/iframe.html

Bio feature on the Texas State website as Visiting Artist:


[gallery]
Texas State Promotional Collage for Senior Showcase:

Thursday
Apr152010

Newborn Parents

A tiny hand envelops his father's thumb

sensing the future through the ribs of his fingerprint

Holding it with a natural confidence

despite months of grasping through an ocean of fluid

longing for connection

His mother's hair tickles his nose

it crumples

he sneezes

she laughs

he looks

she stops

He is theirs completely

A bond

no one else could ever understand

could never fully comprehend

it is as unique as a snowflake cut from Nature's hem

Their voices bounce off his heart

the echo calms his soul ensuring him he is home

They speak of an angel

he searches their eyes

the reflection of his silhouette shifts in the light

He answers with a visceral tale of garbled glee

bubbles blossom from between his lips

Mother guides his tiny hand to cradle her cheek

closing her eyes

she breathes into his hair

translating his monologue of innocence

They now know the meaning of life

As simple as their bond is profound

The meaning of life is not only in the palm of their hand

it is holding it...








Tuesday
Apr062010

Rockin’ the Bump

Bumps are sexy. Perhaps it's the unexpected confidence some pregnant women find in the lack of desire or ability to suck in our tummies. The freedom of wearing elastic waistbands without judgment. It's a time when celebrating a bloated belly is the most natural and liberating feeling in the world of estrogen. Our DNA explodes with possibilities and our hormones collide in the euphoric wrath of orgasmic ash from which diamonds emerge without flaws...
Ok, perhaps this is true for some, for others the experience is one of a uterine cataclysm resulting in esophageal eruptions with women begging for relief from the cast of the porcelain gods.
Either way, there's an underlying feeling in some women to simply see themselves as the pregnant goddess they are. It's a time when their bodies could never be more naturally beautiful, when the life growing from within connects those around her like a web with saccharine threads collecting the energies of those yearning for a connection with all that is right and authentic in this world.
This blog is about celebrating not only life, but the beauty in its creation and the joy in embracing the process...of rockin' the bump...

[gallery]
Monday
Apr052010

Shoot with Dean Jason Hampton

There are a few makeup artists I've worked with who's work truly takes my breath away.
Dean Jason Hampton is one of them

He is an artist

I not only view as a co-worker, but a dear and cherished friend.



Our shoot last Friday was for his current Spring/Prom Promotion:






Saturday
Mar272010

Bereavement Photography


It is the strangest thought to capture photographically the images of bereavement. When my grandmother passed, my father asked if I would bring my camera to the services. This was Tupelo, Mississippi, home of the birth of Elvis Presley. My grandmother, known to us kids as Mama Mary, was a bit of a celebrity in those circles, as my great uncle twice removed delivered Elvis in exchange for a sack of potatoes. No lie. Not even blue suede shoes...just a sack of potatoes.

So, with the quirkiness that begets a family memorial in Tupelo, we arrived at the service after having visited Elvis's little house, the one bedroom post-natal facility in which he took his breath, a few blocks from where my Mama Mary took her last.

You see, Mama Mary was the epitome of southern flair and hospitality. Visits to her home culminated in a sealed vat of sweet pickles and jarred figs. The trees were meant for target practice as squirrels scattered among the branches dodging the elements of confederate angst. Yet all seemed perfectly unsettled in the web woven from the beauty of Southern charm.

Mama Mary's passing was one we saw coming, yet could never truly be prepared for. In capturing her service it seemed as though I were armed with a lens protecting me from the obvious. By photographing the progression of the day I was able to somehow remove myself and process the event by observing as the fly on the wall, yet also allowing myself the indulgence of soaking in the tiniest of moments, the most intimate of moments, without feeling overtly indulgent.

The following is very personal, and it has taken a bit of time for me to feel comfortable sharing these images as they are quite intimate at times. I learned from this experience, that in capturing her passing, I owned the reality that she was not present. She had passed to another realm and I was only photographing the experiences of our loved ones mourning her loss. She however was free, and soaring, and loving everyone with the sweep of her spirit across the lens. The capture of these moments was not only healing for my family, but for friends who could not attend the services in person. Somehow her passing seemed not as much of an enigma, more of a personal experience they could hold on to and revisit even if through the virtual realm. Even now as I revisit her slideshow for my blog, my heart aches for her fingers settled on my shoulder, the smell of cucumbers pickling in her kitchen , and the aroma of gas leaking from her stove. With all of my heart, I know the world will never be the same without her here, but I also know the world is different because she was...

www.benskophotography.com/slideshows/tupelo
Tuesday
Mar092010

Wedding Mojo for Him



The ring festered a hole in your pocket for weeks. You were afraid to leave it at home as she might find it, or you might forget where you put it. You broke every logical bone in your body and paid the appropriate price ratio per income as stated in your future mother-in-law’s Emily Post book. Perhaps you even went a half-karat larger than her best friend’s ring just because you could. You got down on your knee, or your blackberry, and popped it. You asked the one question, which will eternally change your life forever. You asked her to m…..mmmmm……mmmmmaarrrr…..mmmmaarrrrrry……you. She said yes. She cried, you cried (even if it was just on the inside).  Suddenly life shifted into a blissful arena of congratulations or Mazeltavs and you realized, hey, maybe there is something to this whole getting married thing after all….
It was as though someone sprinkled pixie dust on you and your beautiful fiancé, yet slowly you realize the sprinkles are falling on her side of the silver lining. Well-meaning friends send suggestions and referrals to her inbox, stacks of bridal magazines collect on her nightstand heckling your edition of GQ, and suddenly it seems the most important dress in her life is a complete enigma to you.

This is the most exciting time of your life. It just seems the one moment you’ve held off on your whole adult life, the proposal, took all of thirty seconds, and the wedding planning euphoria can go on for a year. How did this turn out so unbalanced?

This is about getting your “wedding mojo” back. This is about saying to yourself, it’s ok to want to be a part of the most fantastic experience you and your partner will have for the rest of your life, along with the possibility of children or winning the lottery. Planning a wedding is not just for women anymore. It’s the perfect opportunity for two people to venture into the world of decision making as a team, with a guideline and structure, excitement and joy with every florist they uncover.

When little girls are growing up, most are sociologically raised to dream about their wedding day. This has been engrained in our bone marrow. Men however, are not only raised without this expectation, but are then thrown into this blender of expectations after the proposal. The only thing the florist seemed to ask you in the consult is whether you were allergic to carnations (in my not-so-humble opinion,  the first thing you do is run from any florist who even mentions carnations…)

Take a moment, light a cigar, tell your honey your catching up on the sports stats in the other room, and let’s begin…

Planning a wedding is not just about the wedding. It’s time to stop, and realize you are no longer one person living your life a certain way. From now on you have a partner with which to share not only life’s burdens, but life’s pleasures as well as the decision making. Getting married is one of your first greatest pleasures, one that will be shared by the people closest to you in your lives personally and professionally and will forever be the barometer for every decision you make together in the future. You will be able to reflect on how you worked together, how you came to certain decisions, and when and how either of you decided to compromise.

Am I a psychologist? No. Have I seen enough weddings to fill a lifetime? I’m workin’ on it…and through each wedding I’m privy to many dynamics between a bride and a groom and in many cases the groom truly is happy to “just show up”. Nowadays however, it seems there’s been a shift in the groom. He is more aware of not only the delicacies of their woman’s desires, but grooms nowadays are also more involved in the finances of the planning, even more of a reason to maintain that open communication during the planning stages. This is not only a chance for you to be more involved in the creative aspects of the planning, it’s also a chance for you both to be aware of the budgeting and planning of a day meant for both of you to treasure, leaving you with a sense of pride that you entered your lives together as best friends, on the same path, with the identical objective of honoring one another’s ideas, preferences, and visions while protecting your most valued asset, the respect you have for one another.

The greatest suggestion I have prior to any of the following logistical bullet points in planning your day, is to sit on the floor of your living room tonight and face each other. Hold hands and look into each other’s eyes. Before you launch on this planning journey together, take note of who you are in this moment, before any of the decision making begins, before the world has opportunity for opinion, and chisel in your mind the exact people you are right now. It is the person in front of you who has your back, who is your best friend for life, and it is their opinion, their wishes, their priorities, which should mean more than anyone else’s. This is your day, to be shared in front of others, with their wishes respected of course, but ultimately a wedding is symbolic of how the rest of your life will proceed. You are a team, with a mission to love one another and protect one another against the world, and it starts now…

So, don’t be afraid to step up tonight and take your fiance’s hand, and let her know you are looking forward to venturing through this crazy period of planning together. Let her know you actually have an opinion when it comes to flowers if you do, and speak up about the fact you've always wanted to eat those tiny, miniature corncobs from the movie Big and that you've secretly longed to toast with Tequila shooters...

On the more logistical and dry note, adding a touch of structure to the mix, here are the groom’s official duties…Besides of course being the voice of reason when it comes to those bridesmaids’ dresses…

Emily Post's Duties for the Groom:


  • Select the engagement ring – although now-a-days brides may also be involved in choosing the engagement ring.

  • Choosing his wedding party: best man, groomsmen and ushers

  • Choosing the attire for the groom’s wedding party – in keeping with the style of the wedding

  • Selecting thank-you gifts for his groomsmen

  • Arranging – and paying for – lodging for his groomsmen

  • Selecting a gift for the bride

  • Compiling the groom’s part of the guest list and making sure that his parents provide their guest list.

  • Planning the honeymoon – Today, this, is more of a joint venture

  • Choosing wedding bands together

  • Arranging for and purchasing the marriage license

  • Making arrangements for transportation from the ceremony to the reception site, if necessary

  • Planning the bachelor party or event (if applicable)

  • Giving the ceremony officiant the fee or donation, or arranging for the best man to present such fees

  • Standing in the receiving line, if there is one, or  - with the bride – being sure to greet all the guests at the reception

  • Making toasts and responding to toasts at the rehearsal dinner and the reception

  • Dancing the first dance with the bride, dancing with the couple’s respective mothers and the maid/matron of honor.

Thursday
Mar042010

Wedding Planning 101

OK, what the heck does a photographer know about planning a wedding? I mean, all we do is show up and shoot, right?
In actuality, it is the photographer who is essentially the mole of every wedding. It is the photographer who is there from beginning to end, has seen what works, and what doesn’t, and we notice when things run smoothly, or not, and why!

First of all, if you do nothing else first in planning your wedding, re-frame your mind, your thinking, your entire DNA and reboot...you are now a Bride and a Groom.

The first thing to do is plan for TWO budgets. Create a low-budget wedding, which will get you into Heaven with a fast pass. Then plan a higher-end gluttony budget, which will result in a temporary stay in Purgatory. Why two budgets? Because this will allow you to really clarify what means the most to you, and what you can do without! Think about it! When you have to sit and think about what is MOST essential to your day, your priorities are set and you have that referral base to refer to when you start to get out of hand and the local psyche ward needs to be summoned with their ceremonial bridal straight-jacket.

1.    Once you have determined what is most important to you, get those vendors set in stone EARLY. Did you know most photographers book about six months in advance?


2.    Saturday is not always the best day to get married...There are many vendors who are willing to adjust their rate for a Friday night or on a Sunday! The most popular day to book is Saturday, so the demand is there and the pricing on all vendors as well as locations are at their peak. Also, really think about an off-season wedding! You’d be surprised at the extra-delightful tone you would receive on the other end of the line by vendors if you approach them with a January, February or early March wedding. This is slow time for the industry and everyone has come off of the holidays. This is a great time to look for deals even from the most elite vendors ;0)


3.    Don’t be afraid to look at vendors your other vendors recommend. First of all, if they recommend someone, there’s usually a reason. The vendors I recommend, I’ve seen in action, I love not only their work, but their personalities!!!! Remember, as I said, vendors are people too, and the personalities of your vendors will help to dictate the personality and vibe of your entire day! You may have found a florist with gorgeous flowers, but what if they don’t work well with others, what if there are certain restrictions with the church or with the reception area and they get super cranky and upset the planner/coordinator and then the florist doesn’t care as much as they used to so your flowers show up an hour late and the photographer is off schedule and the portraits are late, so the mother of the bride is cranky which results in an argument which is heard by the priest…..well….you get the idea…

4.    On items that mean a lot to you both, make sure both bride and groom meet with each and every essential vendor together. I was pleasantly surprised when my manly hubby-to-be actually cared which flowers we used! You end up learning a lot about each other and realize that the decision-making you are enduring and sharing together in planning a wedding is a wonderful blueprint opportunity for how you will be making other decisions in the future. This is a time, which will be the barometer for future negotiations. Don’t be afraid of this experience, embrace it and realize that this event is a gift to yourselves as a couple embracing the rest of your lives.

5.    Remember that a big wedding is not always going to be the most memorable. Well, to rephrase….you may remember the debt….but please, from the bottom of my digitally archived heart, know that your guests really don’t mind if they don’t go home with a silver plated shot glass from Tiffany’s. (well, ok, I’ve secretly longed for such a treasure, but we’ll keep this to ourselves…)

6.    Your friends love you, THAT’s why they are there! OK, you may have some social climbers and dysfunctional family members as well, but in the end this is a party for you and your loved ones. Period end of story. Don’t forget this when planning your wedding. Select flowers which make you FEEL beautiful, which will brighten the hearts of those you love. Don’t go picking bouquets to impress. If you choose elements for your day because they feel right to you, it will all fall into place. This may seem whimsical, but I’ve seen it over and over again.

7.    Don’t be afraid to hire a wedding coordinator for Day-Of services! Many coordinators offer this service at a minimal expense in the larger scheme of things!!! It is a GIFT to yourself and your family, your mothers especially, to have that one contact person for all of the vendors, who ensures that your day will go smoothly. They do it all that day…and are your best friend so that your maid of honor and best man can do their jobs of tending only to you, not running around trying to contact the linen guy because the tables aren’t set yet!

8.    If you are getting married outside, if there is even a 10% chance of rain, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE BACK-UP TENT PROVISIONS!!!!! Make sure the site, or your planner has this locked in. I shot one of the most beautiful weddings in Malibu where it got completely rained out and the entire table settings were drenched,favors were ruined, and the entire reception had to be reset during the ceremony...

9.   Think of your wedding as your baby which is growing and festering inside. It is your belly, nobody else's, and you have the right to tell anyone not to touch it. Your wedding is your personal space, to be respected. Yes, if your parents are paying for part or all of it, it is the loving thing to do to inquire as to their suggestions, but in the end it is up to you as to how you will remember your day.

10.  Most of all, remember NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, LIFE IS ABOUT STORIES! Not every wedding is going to be perfect, there will probably be little things here and there which can go wrong, but at the end of the day there are only three people who need to show up: You two, the minister, and well…..let’s make it four (your photographer…;0)
Wednesday
Mar032010

Angelino Magazine

We are so grateful at The Iraq Star Foundation for this coverage 
by Angeleno Magazine of our Night of Honour event!